RELEASING ATTACHMENT FROM YOUR EX
Updated: Jun 15, 2022
You are releasing an old part of yourself more than you are actually releasing an ex.
IMPORTANT: Acceptance+Readiness; coming to terms with letting him go, and not only letting him go, letting go of the part of your self worth that is wrapped up in his love for you. We can never be whole if someone who does not serve us, is holding onto a part of us. This is an energetic contract that was made somewhere along the way(subconsciously) but you are conscious now, which allows you to regain control over the contract; allowing you to change this contract according to your new way of living, your new found sense of self love, according to this new and evolved version of yourself and according to your updated wants, desires, expectations and needs. Your ex may have served you at one point, but as you grow and evolve, he becomes outdated. We often get stuck on the idea of what we wished the outcome would have been. We remain stuck on the memories. We remain stuck on the way in which he triggered our deepest wounds. We remain stuck on things that were left unsaid. We remain stuck waiting on that apology or explanation as to why he left. We remain stuck on, "why wasn't I good enough, why did he love her and not me?"
Notice anything in common? These are all driven by our ego. These are all driven from a wounded place.
Your Higher Self knows that none of it had anything to do with you and everything to do with his own conditioning, trauma, triggers, beliefs and lived experiences.
Cutting these cords of attachment will not harm you or him. Ask yourself this: Are you afraid to energetically ask him to stop loving you? Would you feel content if he completely stopped loving you tomorrow? Is a part of your self worth tied up in his undying love for you? If he stopped loving you, what is the worst that could happen? Are you holding onto external validation because it makes you feel worthy? Did you experience abandonment wounds from childhood or past romantic relationships? all of these factors are important to explore.
The Truth of Romantic Relationships
When we grew up in a family dynamic that was unhealthy, unhealthy romantic relationships become addictive. Those same unhealthy romantic relationships are the hardest ones to let go of because they subconsciously remind us of what we knew growing up. When we come from unhealthy family dynamics, unhealthy relationships mean love.
A lot of the "letting go for good" is in recognizing that it is not only the individual that you are letting go of, but also an old part of yourself that no longer serves you. You are letting go of old patterns that no longer serve you; patterns that were deeply ingrained into your psyche from a young age, making them harder to change or release. Patterns from your conditioning in childhood that were perpetuated in those particular unhealthy relationships with unhealthy or dangerous partners. Chaos can sometimes feel like home. Chaos can sometimes feel exciting. But chaos will inevitably end in chaos.
Chaos or peace? Which one would you choose now? Which one do you deserve now?
Why do we choose unhealthy relationships? And why do we hold onto them so tightly?
Because those unhealthy relationships stimulate our nervous system allowing us to feel alive; allowing us to feel something even if they are harmful feelings; allowing us to have something to chase or prove. Little do we understand that it is not the actual individual that we are chasing or proving something to, it is ourselves. Unhealed parts of self that are being projected onto an unhealthy partner so that we are more easily able to deny the truth and acceptance of our own wounds. This also allows us to reenact old wounds. Old wounds will constantly come to the surface in different facets of life ONLY so that we pay attention to them-> so that we can heal them. Old wounds are illuminated predominantly in our romantic relationships. Our romantic relationships serve as mirrors to illuminate what still hurts; illuminating pain, habits and behaviours that do not serve us.
This all happens below our level of awareness, until we become aware of it. Awareness creates sustainable and life lasting change.
We are deeply connected to that old part of self, because it is an integral part of Self. Ask yourself, are you ready to let go of that old part of self that is no longer serving you to make room for a new and evolved version of you? Readiness to let go of these old parts of Self will automatically start to disconnect you from any cords of attachment that are keeping you stuck. Readiness to release any cords of attachment to individuals that are keeping you "stuck" is key.
This is where resistance will creep in. In truth, we are not actually resistant of just letting go of an ex, we are equally as resistant of letting go of our old self, of our old patterns and of our old stories. Why? Because they have been with us for decades.
As you step into this phase of your healing, old wounds and the things that do not serve you will continue to be illuminated. You will no longer be able to ignore them because your body understands that you are showing up to heal. It generously gives to you what wants to be addressed, so that you can heal fully.
Trust the information that your body is giving you, it will never steer you in the wrong direction. Once you find peace and acceptance in letting go, letting go will happen without effort.